Narcissa Is A Skank
by Snowballimus
Summary: The diary of Lily Evans as the school revolts against her, The Marauders try to protect her, and James Potter tries to pursue her. Funny, funny-Final chapter is up!
1. September

AN: I own nothing and am making no money for no matter how many times I write to Santa he never seems to get my letter.

--

**September 1-- **Thursday

I am certain that my existence on this miserable planet is an accident. I must have been abandoned by alien parentage at such an early age I cannot remember what they look like. I am most certainly not related to the piece of livestock that I refer to as "sister" as a sister would not have said, "I didn't know that male freaks had such firm butts," as Sirius Black walked by while at King's Cross.

I am _never_ going to live this down. I know it.

**3:00 PM**

I knew it.

Current situation: I am sitting in the train cabin with Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter as I have arrived late since Horsey wouldn't stop ogling every male student at the platform and would not give me the tampon I was so desperately waiting for, therefore causing every cabin to be full and no one letting me in. (should _not_ have bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points)

I am growing very tired of being stared at. I must do something about it. The silence in here is overwhelming.

**3:30**

… still staring at me

**3:45**

You would think they would have the need to blink

**3:50**

Apparently not.

**4:00**

I am growing quite uncomfortable. I hope they don't do this for the next three hours.

**4: 05**

Ha! Pettigrew's left eye is twitching.

**4:10**

I may have to kill my sister when I see her on Christmas for Black's words will forever be ringing in my ears.

"Wanna touch it?"

Their laughter followed me all the way to the loo. Where I am now. Looking at myself. In the mirror. With a booger half way out my nose.

At least I know why they were staring.

**4:40**

When I went back to the cabin (booger free) I found only Potter there looking out the window.

"Where did everyone go?"

He didn't even look at me, "They're visiting friends."

"Oh. So, um, yeah…" Awkward doesn't being to describe it.

Silence reigned. I think I'll brood.

…

…

…

"Hey, Evans?"

He scared the shit out of me so badly I fell off the bench and onto the floor, successfully landing on his foot causing him to fall over on top of me, smacking his head into my stomach and creating a nerve reflex that makes my left arm swing out on its own accord and punch him in the nose.

**5:03 **

I always knew I'd punch Potter one day. I just hadn't expected it to be on accident.

Pettigrew, Black, and Lupin came back just in time to see the lovely incident between Potter and myself. It took them ten minutes to stop laughing before helping me heave the unconscious Potter onto the bench.

"Bugger, Evans. You have a hell of a left hook," Black said to me, prodding Potter in the arm.

I blushed, "It's just a reflex."

Lupin was smiling at me, "You knocked him out cold, Lily. I think he'll be rather impressed when he wakes up, granting, of course, you didn't break his nose."

It _was_ bleeding rather splendidly.

"Should we do something about it?" Pettigrew asked.

Lupin looked at him then at Potter and then at him again, "Nahh, leave it. The look on his face will be perfect for the scrapbook."

Ohhhhhhhh.

"What scrapbook?"

Black answered my question, "We have been documenting our successes and triumphs for the past two years in an attempt to salvage the images our endeavors have produced for our children and our children's children."

…

"That's a lot of big words for you, Black."

Is it just me, or is Lupin looking _fondly_ at him?

I must remember this curious development.

**5:11**

My, Potter's handsome when he's unconscious.

**5:12**

O.o

**5:13**

Did I write that? I most certainly do _not_ think Potter is handsome!

**9:22**

In my nice, comfy bed at Hogwarts that I have to share with three other girls who despise me. Would have a nice, comfy bed at Hogwarts in the Head Girl's room if I had not bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points.

But I must not dwell on the past.

Today's gift of constant humiliation ended on a good note. After three months of no friends, hexes coming from all four houses, and death threats last year, I have made some allies.

The Marauders. (As they most ridiculously call themselves.)

My damnable left arm has finally caused some good. The punch I gave to Potter impressed them so much they have promised to be more kind to me. Joy.

Must sleep, tomorrow is Friday and classes start. (why Dumbledore is insisting on one day of class is beyond me.)

Night night.

**September 10**— Saturday

The Marauders (Dear God, I've started referring to them as one entity) have been true to their word. They have been quite nice. Almost like friends. For at this moment I find myself in the Library with Lupin working on an Arithmancy assignment together. Rather pleasant to have someone to do things with again. Since all my other friends have abandoned me. (should _not_ have bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points)

My first week of school has passed very smoothly. With the exception of Black pinching my butt whenever I would walk by. Potter, unsurprisingly, would get rather red in the face and glare furiously at him. Black would just smile tauntingly back. Hmmm, I wonder why? I must remember this curious development.

I must get back to the essay. Lupin is attempting to read you.

**7:56**

Black pinched my butt again. I would be offended, but he redeemed himself by saying, "I'm just amazed at the firmness, Evans!"

It's rather flattering. I must remember to buy Horsey—I mean Petunia, something nice this Christmas.

**September 12**—Monday

11 days in. 11 days in! _11 days in_ and I am already in Professor McGonagall's office for hexing the Head Boy.

McGonagall is amazingly livid. She has nearly no mouth left, if I didn't respect her so much I'd be inclined to laugh…

"Miss Evans! I had hoped that last year's scandal was behind us, but now I see just how wrong I was! The Head Boy and several other witnesses—"

"All Slytherins!" I protested.

"It does not matter! They are still your fellow peers and what they have said you did is atrocious! You cannot go around hexing people for the fun of it! Especially the Head Boy!"

McGonagall was yelling so hard her hat fell off and she was breathing really hard.

"I have thought long and hard about your punishment, Miss Evans, and I have decided on something that will hopefully benefit you and teach you a lesson. Since you have always had a hard time in potions and wish to train as a healer, you will be tutored by the Head Boy and will have to obey his rules and his wishes. You will meet him tomorrow in the potions classroom at eight. You are dismissed."

I could barely remember walking from McGonagall's office to the Common Room. When I got inside the Marauders were waiting for me by the fire. I would have been more touched if I wasn't in so much shock.

Lupin lead me to the chair and all their faces were looking up at me.

"What did she do?" Potter asked.

"I've been assigned to hell."

Potter put his hand on mine in, I assume, a gesture of comfort, "Detention with Filch?"

I shook my head, "Potions tutoring with Snape."

They all looked so horrified I was feeling quite better.

**September 13**—Tuesday

The entire day was very entertaining to say the least. Potter and Black were acting as bodyguards in a way. They kept following me around everywhere. Even into the girls loo. It was embarrassing knowing that they could hear me peeing (it took all my firm buttocks power to keep from farting).

They kept stopping me and looking around corners while one looked from behind. When we had to pass by Snape to get to Herbology, Potter put his hand on the small of my back (had to ignore annoying, little tingly feeling) while Black had his wand out and was obviously threatening Snape with it.

I felt like I was in the middle of a James Bond movie.

**6:45**

Finishing dinner. Lupin and Black are acting strange. Lupin is leering at him and Black looks post-orgasmic (not that I would know what that looks like or anything…).

Hmmm, I must find out what is going on between those two.

Opps! Dropped my fork!

**6:47**

AHHHH!

**10:33**

Things I will never do again:

5) I will never hex Severus Snape so that he has to shit every three minutes

4) I will never let Horsey anywhere near the firm butt of Sirius Black

3) I will never buy illegal Veritaserum and then feed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that will ultimately loose me my already lost prefect badge and 200 points

2) I will never drop my fork

1) I will never kiss James Potter as a way to vent my feelings after a horrible night of potions tutoring.

**September 23**-- Friday

Remus, Sirius, and Peter (I am sadly now aquatinted with them enough to call them by their given names) have been trying so hard to get Potter and I to talk to each other. That kiss was a mistake and I cannot believe how insensitive Potter was to just… _jump_ me like that! I cannot believe he took advantage of me when I was so obviously distraught from my first torture lesson (as we so humbly call them). I cannot believe he was such a prick!

It was a damn good kiss though.

Torture Lessons are going horribly. Snape is like a lecherous old bat. He keeps trying to see down my shirt whenever I bend over a potion and he's starting to become oddly nice. Well… that's giving him too much credit. I have been promoted from The Mudblood to Hey You.

I have yet to confront Remus and Sirius on their peculiar relationship. Sirius has been paying less attention to his fanclub lately and more time with Remus. And Remus has been giving Sirius these strange sidelong glances. I have been watching them during dinner, but there have been no incidents or reasons to drop my fork. Damn.

Remus has been looking a bit peaky the past few days. I asked him what's wrong and he almost broke into tears.

**September 24**-- Saturday

The strangest thing just happened to me.

I was outside with all The Marauders (for once) and we were at the Quidditch Pitch. Sirius and Potter are on the team and they were practicing and we were watching (Peter almost knocked my eyeball out). The Gryffindor team was really into their practice, they had been out there for five hours already, and I was getting hungry, so I took a Honeydukes chocolate bar out of my bag.

I was fully intent on eating it, but I was _tackled_ by Remus. Sweet and gentle Remus tackled me right off the stand and into the pitch. I felt him pry my fingers off the chocolate bar and then jump back up and out of my sight.

I must have laid there for a good five minutes trying not to move and listening to him eat my chocolate. He was never this messy in the Great Hall. Grobble, grooble, munch, munch, slurp, sluuurrrrpp.

I tried to get up, but I think I broke my body in the 25 foot drop from the bottom stand to the pitch.I was one big mess of pain. I tried to call for help.

"Unnggghhh"

Close enough, besides, Potter certainly came 1.44444445 seconds later. He looked rather peaky himself when he saw me. I tried to ask him what's wrong, but I ended up passing out.

**4:40**

I broke my neck in the fall.

Madame Pomfrey realigned it and she said I'll be fine, if a little stiff, in a few days, but I have to stay the night in the hospital wing. Professor McGonagall came to see me, asking what had happened, and I told her that I slipped and fell. I can't have Remus getting into trouble or anything. Then I really will be alone in this school.

He's been acting very odd. He's pale, his back has been bothering him, he's ready to cry at any moment, is very violent, and has horrid cravings for chocolate.

Sounds a bit like Mum on her period.

I must remember this curious development.

**12:04 AM**

Woke up hearing my name being called. Saw no one and figured I must be dreaming.

"Lily…"

Okay. Great. Now I'm hearing voices in my head. Next thing you know they'll be telling me that they're Snape wearing a tutu and singing I Feel Pretty.

"Lily!"

"_I feel prreettyy! Ohh so prreettyy_!"

Stopped singing to find Potter's head floating in midair. His eyes were wide as saucers and the rest of him materialized as well as a really fancy cloak for poufs.

"Oh, Potter. It's you."

He looked at me and came forward, "Hey, I, well, I came to see how you were."

"Oh, you know, fiddley widdley."

What the hell is wrong with me?

His eyes got really wide again, "Right."

"What can I do for you my good, pilgrim? You must have come _all_…"

Potter jumped forward and caught me before I fell off the bed.

"Why, thank you, Jim."

He looked at me strange, "I think you are still under some of the potions. Maybe this should wait for later."

"NOO!"

He slapped his hand over my mouth, "What are you trying to do? I could be in serious trouble for visiting you!" he hissed at me

I felt my eyes tearing up, "You came all the way for… me?"

He blushed, "Well, yeah. I mean, I care for you, Lily. I have for a while. You know that."

"Aye, me matey. Yer word be as good as yer hart." I nodded vigorously to prove my point. He caught me again before I fell.

He smiled, "You know, Lily, you're really funny when you're up on potions. I came down here to see you and to ask you something. Hopefully, the outcome will be slightly different than all the other time I've tried to ask. Lily, will you—"

"Ohh James! Of course I'll marry you!" I then flung myself at him and kissed his earlobe.

He pushed me back onto the bed, blushing a lot, "Umm, no, Lily. It's a little soon. I wanted to know if you would go to Hogsmeade with me on Halloween."

"Alright then!"

He smiled, "Really? You will?"

…

Zzzzzzz

**September 28**-- Wednesday

Things have been going fabulously well.

Remus is back to normal and has apologized 8,749,269,462,376 times for breaking my neck and nearly killing me. I would have faced him when he was doing it but he always stood to my side and I couldn't look that way if I tried. I think he did it on purpose. Coward.

Torture Lessons are going a bit better. I think I may actually be good at potions. Snape is a pretty decent teacher when he doesn't hate you. Found that out the hard way and now have to settle for lecherous looks down my shirt.

James has been incredibly sweet. Giving me pecks on the cheek every morning and every night. He has, thankfully, not mentioned the midnight rendezvous in the hospital wing and my rather strange behavior. Cannot wait for Halloween. Cannot believe that I am going on a date with the same perv from fifth year.

Narcissa Black has been given detention and lost Slytherin 100 points for coming on to a teacher. Sirius and I think it was Flitwick.

Made my first visit to the boy's dorm on Monday looking for Sirius. Would have gone inside, but strange noises were being emitted. Lots of "Ohhs" and "Yess" and "Harder!"

I must remember this curious development.


	2. October

AN: Santa, sadly, still doesn't love me. I own nothing

I love my Nikita and I'm hoping to Buddha that Megan doesn't kill me for making her a Slytherin even if she displays more qualities than she knows.

**--**

**October 3**-- Monday

Boooorrreeeedddd

rolling off the bed

**8:22 PM**

Snape is such a git. He told me to show up early tonight and he doesn't even come himself.

I'll have to kill him.

**8:23**

Oh! He's left me a note…

_Evans,_

_Something has come up. I am unable to tutor you tonight, but I expect you to continue with the potion from Friday. Hopefully you will not have blown apart the potions lab. Professor Brown will not be pleased_.

_Remember to leave it simmering for an hour before adding the Viper Fang. _

_Yours,_

_S. Snape_

**8:25**

What's he mean by "Yours" ?

And where the hell has he gone off to that requires him to leave me alone with a Gender Potion? Blow up the lab indeed. There won't be a _dungeon_ when I'm through!

I must remember this curious development.

**9:05**

Am I supposed to add the Viper Fang before or after the potion simmers?

Bugger it, I'll just add it now.

**10:10**

OH GOD!

**12:34 AM**

I am in perpetual shock. Went and saw the Headmaster right after the potion exploded on me.

"Well Miss Evans, I dare say that although the potion certainly has… interesting side effects, Professor Brown will be happily brewing an antidote for you. Professor? When do you think Miss Evans will be able to come for the remedy?"

The bane of Gryffindor existence glared at me. It's not my fault Snape didn't show up and expected me to know what I was doing! He's tutoring me for a reason!

"I'll send you a note, Evans. Be glad you only lost your femininity and not your life!" That's all she could say to me before sweeping out in a swirl of Slytherin evilness.

James was waiting for me when I got in the common room. I didn't really want to talk to him, especially now. So I walked by him really fast and went up the girl's staircase. I would have made it too if at the third step the staircase hadn't become a horrible slide and I fell on my bottom.

James looked down at me and held his hand out, "What's wrong with you? And why wont the stairs let you into the girls dormitory?"

I looked at him. He was so concerned I felt my eyes watering.

"James," I mumbled, "Can I come with you to the boys dorm?"

His eyes widened, "Err, well, I mean, sure, Lily."

I took his hand and he led me along. We actually got pretty close, considering I was more self-conscious than I had ever been (even more so than when I'm pms-ing) and I just knew one of them would see us. I just knew it.

I swear I think I'm a seer.

Standing just outside his dorm room (Gods we were so. bloody. close.) was Sirius. He gave me a funny look, turned to ask James something before he paused and whipped his head around to ogle my chest.

"They've gone…" He looked so disappointed I didn't know whether to hit him or hug him.

James spun me around to face him and stared down at the two spots on my chest where my breasts should have been. He looked faint.

I glanced up at them and mumbled, "Had an accident in potions. Don't really want to talk about it." I walked into the dorm and, to my surprise, found a fifth bed in the circular room.

I heard Sirius and James walk in behind me, not wanting to talk with them I went over to this bed I currently sit and write on.

**12:37 AM**

What God did I piss off in another life to earn this?

**1:03 AM**

Did you know that Professor Dumbledore wears pajamas with neon pink and yellow flowers on them?

**October 4**--Tuesday

I woke up this morning hoping that it was all one big horrible nightmare. I believed it at first until I noticed something strange dangling between my legs. I let out a groan, which, of course, alerted the Marauders to my manly presence. Did not want to talk to them and settled for running like a fool to the bathroom.

Instead, I tripped over a trunk in the middle of the room, successfully meeting the floor and splaying my skirt over my head; giving the contents of the room a great glance at my bottom and the penis that would not stay in my knickers.

I jumped up as quickly as possible and straightened my skirt. I risked a glance at the four boys who were staring open mouthed at me. Their eyes were wide as saucers and the books Peter was carrying slowly dropped to the floor. None of us moved for quite a while and I was thrown back into the train ride to school.

Remus was the first to close his mouth (though it took him long enough) and he blinked several times. He walked over to me and steepled his fingers against his chin. He circled me twice before turning to James, "That's it then, Prongs. No more denying it. You're a pouf."

**6:57 **

The school is in pieces over where my boobs have gone. Much teasing has come my way. The Marauders have been very understanding. Great pricks that they are not-with-standing.

James has been the one receiving teasing from his friends, but only in private. They'd find themselves suddenly todgerless if they had said anything to make the school suspect I had suddenly turned into a man.

Professor Brown has banned me from the potions classroom for the next week. Nasty woman took ten points from me for, how was it that she said? Ah, yes, "Walking like there was a corn up my bottom." Yes, well next time you turn into the man and I'll be the prat.

Snape still has not showed up. I'm wondering if I should be angry at him for leaving me alone with such a volatile potion or flattered that he thought I could do it. Mind you, he'll never leave me alone with a potion again.

I am perfect at every subject except potions. _Why_ potions! _What have I done to you_?

**October 6**-- Thursday

Snape is back. I thought he would crack a rib trying not to laugh at me.

We're all in the common room right now doing Transfiguration homework. James has been huffing around lately. I asked Sirius what's wrong with him and he just winked at me saying, "He's confused because James Jr. is reacting still reacting to you. A guy."

I went beet red and said, "Don't remind me. It's bad enough having to go take a pee."

He just grinned at me and said, "Wait till you get a woody."

I had to smash my nose into my book so no one could see my face.

**October 7**-- Friday

Morning!

**6:32 AM**

WHAT THE HELL IS _THAT_!

**7:45 AM**

The Marauders, thinking I was under attack, came running as soon as the scream left my lips. James ripped open the curtains on my bed and looked around in a panic. Then Remus and Sirius appeared with their wands in their hands ready to curse my attacker. Peter waddled up two seconds later with Sirius' beater bat. My army was quite surprised when they all stopped looking around and noticed me staring horrified into space.

Sirius cracked a grin, James bit his lip, Remus hid his face in his hands, and Peter was outright guffawing at me. They nearly wet themselves when I squeaked, "H-how do I get rid of it?"

**7:32 PM**

I don't want to talk about it.

**7:54 **

_Miss Evans,_

_Your antidote has been successfully created and finished. Come to my office sometime before curfew so that it may be administered._

_I hope that this has been a lesson to you. Your stupidity and disregard for instructions has led you into exploding your cauldron and turning yourself into a male. It was at the request of Professor McGonagall that you were allowed into NEWT Potions. I was inclined to deny you the right of potions tutoring, but it was Head Boy Severus Snape who changed my mind. I do not expect to be creating ways for you to cover up your mistakes again. You have one last chance before I refuse you entrance into the dungeons at all._

_You also still have not informed me of what your NEWT project shall be. If you have not come up with one by the end of this month you will be dropping Potions and all hopes of becoming a Healer._

_Fondly,_

_Professor M. Brown._

**7:55 **

What a git.

**10:07**

I'm a girl again! I'm a girl again!

**10:26 **

Hate evil dorm-mates who used to be friends but are now satisfied with teasing me about spending the week in the boy's dorm. And calling me 'Lily the Uneven' for my missing bosom buddies. (Ahhh, I've missed you, Fred. And you too, George.)

They really are quite bitter. I say this too much, but should not have bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points.

**October 20**-- Thursday

It has been such a long time since I last have written! But things have been happening a lot lately.

I had to settle for asking Snape for help on my Potions NEWT project. We have come up with something rather good. I'm going to kill two birds with one stone and infuse my Charms NEWT project into it. I'm hoping to create a potion that will heal blindness. I'll need the potion for the eyesight aspect and the charm for the amount of light that the person will be able to see. After living in the dark for so long, coming into the light will be painful and the charm will let a little light in at a time. After a while the charm will wear off and the person will have perfect 20/20 vision.

I should have _so_ been Head Girl.

Even Professor Brown seemed a little surprised at my idea. Professor Flitwick says I have real potential in the area (as Charms is my best subject). I hope it all comes out to a success and I don't blow out half the school in the potions aspect. This could guarantee me a spot in the Healer Academy at St. Mungo's!

All the Professors have been cracking down on us more than usual. It's entirely too stressful, but I'll manage. I'm planning my review schedule for NEWTs. I should be ready to start reviewing by Christmas. I was thinking about making the Marauders a schedule too, but then realized that Remus has that covered.

Speaking of Remus, he and Sirius have been glaring daggers at each other for the past week. It's making for a rather difficult working environment, but I can't really argue.

I must remember this curious development.

**October 23**-- Sunday

In the Library with Remus. He just walked in and he looks as if he's been crying. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he's having none of it. If it's Sirius I'll murder him.

**October 26**-- Wednesday

Remus has been looking peaky again, which has been doing nothing to help the spat he and Sirius are in. They have been avoiding each other, not talking, and have, according to Peter, been prone to pranking each other beyond the friendly level.

James, Peter, and I have been all dithery trying to get them to make up, but it doesn't look like it's happening anytime soon. I'm getting really fed up with their inane childlike behavior. Even Snape noticed something was off between the two. He had said to me during Torture Lessons on Monday, "Tell your mutts to stop cheating on each other and to get with the shagging. It's distracting you and unless you want to end up with a prick between your legs indefinitely, I suggest making them compromise."

Quite the inspiring speech.

Why does he think that they're seeing each other? What's a few shags between friends? How does he even know if they're gay? And why did he call them mutts?

I must remember this curious development.

**6:22 **

At the Quidditch Pitch. I've sent a note to both Sirius and Remus telling them to meet me here. I don't intend to wake up finding an erection in my lap again.

**6:30**

Both have showed up on time. Remus was snarling at Sirius. He seriously has some weird problems…

Anyway, I've put a charm on the stands. They're not going far.

**6:31**

Aha! Just as I suspected! Sirius was hurling himself against my barrier in a tiptop scary form. He swirled around at me, nearly foaming at the mouth, "Let me out!"

I shook my head, "Not until the two of you work this out! You are distracting me and others from our studies. I couldn't concentrate for the entire evening Tuesday because you were walking around in your birthday suit."

Remus growled (!), "That would not have had to happen if _someone_ had kept their eyes to themselves!"

Sirius flushed around the neck, which, I must admit, was a rather fetching look for him, "_You're_ the one who couldn't keep your hands off her! Always touching her here or patting her there!"

Her?

Remus gaped at him, "We're friends! Nothing more!"

But… Remus doesn't have any female friends excep— oh, no…

"Oh really! You couldn't wait to help her with her prick!"

Oh. God.

Remus blushed, "She's not a _guy_, Sirius! She was out of her mind with fright! And all it was was a spell to release the blood! But what about you! When she tripped over James' trunk and her skirt went up you were drooling!"

Let me die…

Sirius stalked over to him, "Her prick is nearly _eight_ inches, Moony! How am I supposed to keep from looking!"

Can't… breathe…

Remus glowered, "You got that good a sight, huh! What about her arsehole, Sirius? Did you like that too!"

Really…. Can't…. breathe… white… spots….

"I was too focused on that pink thing jutting out of her knickers!"

Think… I've… died….

**October 27**-- Thursday

That Quidditch Pitch is deadly.

I passed out after the last comment. Madame Pomfrey said that I had hyperventilated. Lovely.

Sirius and Remus hadn't noticed I was off in lala land until they had each otherspants off in the throes of love. It had been James who had come looking for me and apparently beat them quite well.

Professor McGonagall is furious with us all. Gave Sirius and Remus a detention with Professor Brown on Halloween, so they can't go to Hogsmeade. Gryffindor has lost 50 points in the process. Rather rough.

James said that he had come to see me during the night, but I was still asleep, no matter how hard he poked my eye.

Something strange has happened though… When I woke up this morning in the Hospital Wing, someone had come and left a rose with a silk, black ribbon tied to it. Very beautiful. Very _Phantom of the Opera_. I don't know who it is that knows it's my favorite book, but it's not James. I told him thank you for the rose and gave me a strange look saying, "What rose?"

I must remember this curious development.

**October 31-- **Monday, Halloween.

It's a half day today so that the students can go to Hogsmeade.

I. Am. So. Nervous.

I spent the better half of an hour trying to decide what clothes to wear before settling on a loose fitting (but extremely snuggly) black turtleneck, a pair of black trousers, a black cloak, and my hair back with the ribbon from the rose. I hoped I looked alright.

I met James downstairs in the common and we walked to Hogsmeade. It was really pleasant though very awkward. What does one say to a boy who has been lusting after you for fifty thousand years? It didn't really matter though.

We got to the town and went to Honeydukes to buy some more chocolate since Remus had gotten into my stash (he denies it persistently, but his eye twitches whenever he says it). James bought my chocolate. It was very sweet of him as I was expecting to have to buy all my own stuff.

Then we went to The Three Broomsticks and James bought me my butterbeer. We were sitting by the fire talking about our NEWT projects when it happened. One minute I was telling him about wanting to be a healer and the next I was seeing the blurry outline of a bright shape and the words, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" were ringing in my ears.

James was waving his hand in front of my face when it ended. I didn't know what had happened, but it really freaked me out.

James said to me, "Lily? Lily! Are you alright?"

His face was stark white and he was rubbing his hands along my arms, "You're so cold," he took his cloak off and draped it around me and my flimsy one. It was strange. I didn't feel cold, I felt… I don't really know.

James smiled meekly, "Come on. Let's go back to the castle and visit with Moony and Padfoot. They should be done by now."

He put his arm around my shoulders and held me close to his body as we walked back to Hogwarts. It felt good to be in his arms. Not like I thought it would. He was safe. I could almost smell it. It was a good comfort after the strange vision and the voice. It was no one I had ever heard before. Why would they need to be conjuring a Patronus anyway?

James led me all the way to the chairs in front of the fire in the common room. We sat down on floor and I melted in his embrace. I don't know how long we had been in front of the fire, but I was safe and warm. The sounds of the fire crackling and of the students playing chess and doing homework was like taking a sleeping draught. I let my eyes droop and when I opened them again I was on the couch with a blanket over my head and James snoring softly on the floor.

I smiled at him and gently moved his hair out of his face. He really was handsome when he was sleeping.

And this time, I meant to write that.


	3. November

AN: Considering my favorite character ever has just been proven to be _extremely_ evil, I write most of this with a broken heart.

And that buggering Slughorn has ruined my image of Lily as absolutely awesome at every subject except potions. Not only that, but Professor Brown has now officially gone down Moaning Myrtle's U-Bend.

Damn.

The Veritaserum situation will be explained in the next chapter. I promise.

**November 1**-- Tuesday

Yesterday was a serious mystery. Why did I hear that strange voice? What was that weird light? Why was I the only one to notice these things?

I shall ponder these things while taking a lovely bath in disgusting dormitory lavatory (Would be taking a bath in glorious Head Girl lavatory if I hadn't bought illegal Veritaserum and then fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points).

**9:50 PM**

I really do wonder about myself. Hearing things is not a good sign, but seeing something in acquaintance to that questions my sanity.

I must remember this curious development. (I wonder if I should tell Professor Dumbledore?)

**11:03**

Oh! I just remembered! Sirius' birthday is on the 30th! He went on and on about it, never shutting up once. I had to keep myself from thwacking him upside his head.

**November 2**-- Wednesday

Must refrain from thwacking Sirius.

**November 3**-- Thursday

Must refrain from thwacking Sirius.

**November 4**-- Friday

Must refrain from thwacking Sirius.

**2:47 PM**

I thwacked Sirius.

**November 7**-- Monday

**7:33 PM**

I hate Snape. I really do.

I went down an hour ago for my Torture Lesson and, at first, everything was actually going right! We didn't snipe at each other. He didn't look down my shirt. I got the ingredients for the potion without dropping anything. I was following the instructions. The potion was turning out perfect. But that's where hell came in.

What Snape had me making was a fast and complicated draught that when the essence of passion fruit was added, the potion would create a little explosion. Snape didn't tell me that the explosion would then produce an odor so strong and sweet it stuck to you for twenty-four hours. Not only that, but the mix of passion fruit, fairy eyes, and firecrab jewels puts a poison in the odor. A poison of love.

Bloody Snape.

But there was one thing he wasn't counting on: as part of being friends with a brand of pranksters who insist on being called "The Marauders", I have grown used to having a small defense shield up incase of an attack. I was so lucky I had forgotten to take it down.

The exact moment before the potion exploded, Snape ducked down under the table and emerged only when the smoke from the explosion had settled. Imagine his surprise when instead of me being encased in a ridiculously sweet cloud of pink it was himself. Thanks a lot to the shield around me, which rebounded the poison.

I, _finally,_ realizing that the combination of Dove heart and rose juice would make the first person Snape sees end up being the recipient of a very enthralled Slytherin, bolted for the door. Sadly, it was James on the other side.

We all stood stock still for several moments. James was glaring at Snape and I was desperately trying to move even though my body refused to cooperate. After a bit, James grabbed my arm in annoyance. He walked me out of the classroom and down the corridor. We had gotten half way up the steps leading to the entrance hall, when we heard running behind us.

A voice called out when he continued to lead me away from the dungeons, "James! Darling! Wait for meeeeeeeee!"

**10: 57 **

Bloody, buggering Snape!

**November 8**-- Tuesday

The morning doesn't seem to be so wonderful when your boyfriend is being courted by a person with enough grease on his head to burn Rome again.

The bright side you ask? Oh, blackmail is a wonderful thing. For both of them.

I went down to breakfast and found Sirius, Remus, and Peter all looking torn between sniggering at James or hexing Snape, who was currently sitting in _my_ seat at Gryffindor table, fluttering his eyelashes at _my_ boyfriend, and talking (one-sidedly) to _my_ friends.

I stalked over to them and was about to backhand Snape when a bright flash went off. I suddenly saw white spots and started drunkenly walking sideways. I accidentally crashed into someone's elbow, which was shoved (quite roughly) into my stomach and created a nerve reflex that made my left arm swing out on its own accord and punch something bouncy.

I heard a very female screech and Sirius' barking laugh when the white spots began to subside and saw, to my extreme horror, Narcissa Black clutching her breast. I only had a glimpse of Professors McGonagall, Brown, and Dumbledore coming down from the high table when another bright flash went off and more laughter began joining Sirius'.

**8:22 AM**

Life sucks. Eat rocks.

**8:23**

Since it was technically not my fault that I have a horrible reflex system (I almost took out my Doctor once when he was giving me a physical), Professor Dumbledore managed to convince both McGonagall and Brown that I am a wonderful person and should not be punished (love that man). Black threw a very impressive hizzy (hate her).

I must go and kill Remus now, but first I'll be content finding his camera and burning it.

**9:30** (In Defense Against the Dark Arts)

Couldn't find the camera. Bugger.

This is proving very interesting! We have this class with the Slytherins and Snape is snuggling up to James, who looks like dung was just shoved under his nose.

**9:44**

When Professor Hutchinson's back was turned, Sirius whipped around and took a shot of James and Snape with the camera.

I must get that thing!

**12:11 PM**

Still haven't gotten that bloody camera! I think they disguise it with some kind of charm. I'm best at charms. This is very good.

**2:54 **(In Charms)

Not good.

**2:55**

"Sorry to interrupt, Professor Flitwick, but I was wondering…"

He looked at me inquiringly, "Go on, Miss Evans."

"If one wanted to hide an inanimate object from someone, but keep it with one at all times, what kind of charm would one need to use?"

The class went silent and everyone looked at me, surprised. I would have been perfectly embarrassed as it was, had our professor answered me, but nooooo. Little miss steal-my-title-and-look-annoyingly-pretty-while-doing-it, Niki George, my head girl replacement (should not have bought illegal Veritaserum and fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost me my prefect badge and 200 points), had to have at it, "Well, Lily, wouldn't one simply use a Disillusionment Charm."

I blushed at the little chit, "Yeah, th-thanks," and embarrassingly, I sunk deep into my seat.

**7:04**

Tried the Disillusionment Charm at dinner. Didn't work. So, next I have decided on a summoning charm. Ready? Accio Camera!

**7:10**

Was just molested by flying cameras. A lot of them.

**November 9**—Thursday

Hello, my name is Lily Ingrid-hooshee-nabbalabba Evans and I am in luuuuuurve with James Potter who has been recently engaged to Snivellus by the giving of —

Mister Prongs would like for Mister Padfoot to stop writing in Lily _Leta_ Evan's diary and to keep his thongs off my bed.

Mister Padfoot would like to remind Mister Prongs that he has an engagement party to attend and that it's Mister Moony's thong, not mine.

Mister Prongs would like to remind Mister Padfoot that Snivellus and I are _not_ a couple and what the hell is it doing on my bed in the first place!

Mister Padfoot may have gotten a little frisky with Mister Moony in Mister Prongs' bed.

Mister Prongs feels the need to ask if this is some kind of psychological problem that needs help. Like—now.

Mister Padfoot reassures Mister Prongs that he has been psychologically challenged for quite sometime and thank you for finally noticing, you great prat, because he and Mister Moony have been doing it in Mister Prongs' bed for the past two months.

SIRIUS!

Mister Padfoot remorsefully says that Mister Moony is kind enough to scourgify Mister Prongs' bed afterwards even thought he would rather leave it for Mister Prongs to roll around in.

Mister Prongs is horrified.

Mister Moony would like to add that Mssrs Padfoot and Prongs need to leave Miss Lily Leta Evans' diary alone.

Mister Padfoot kindly asks Mister Moony to shove off and do some homework.

Mister Moony would like to state that he has already done all his homework that is due when classes start in half an hour and Mister Padfoot has not.

Mister Padfoot regretfully informs Mssrs Prongs and Moony that Transfiguration beckons and will be leaving.

Mister Prongs would like to ask Mister Moony why he feels he must leave his nasty, soiled, Sirius-fondled thongs on my bed.

Mister Moony would like to tell Mister Prongs that Sirius is a big, fat liar because those are his thongs.

Mister Prongs would like to say: THOSE!

Mister Moony thinks Mister Prongs is very unobservant.

Mister Prongs thinks Mister Moony is disgusting and asks that all further endeavors are not on my bed.

Mister Moony disagrees, agrees for the kink factor is running low (don't go sitting on Lily Leta Evans' favorite chair for a while), and concludes with the taking of Lily Leta Evans di—

Mister Prongs would like to keep Lily Leta Evans' diary and is sorry for breaking Mister Moony's quill.

Mister Moony does not want Mister Prongs to leave it lying around where anyone can find it and read it. Mister Moony also states that you're buying me a new one, git.

Mister Prongs is appalled that Mister Moony would think he would do such a thing and says take a spare from my bag.

Mister Moony believes that Mister Prongs would and is keeping Lily Leta Evans' diary until after the Quidditch match on Saturday so that he can make sure that it isn't read.

Mister Prongs would like to inquire if Mister Moony thinks he would read Lily Leta Evans' diary?

Mister Moony thinks Mister Prongs already has.

Mister Prongs says balderdash! He would never, ever, ever read his girlfriend's diary and is not letting Mister Moony get his grubby paws on it.

Mister Moony says I'm keeping it. Don't argue or else Sherlock Holmes dies.

Mister Prongs feels Mister Moony makes an excellent point.

Mister Moony thought that Mister Prongs might think so.

Mister Prongs wishes to ask one thing of Mister Moony.

Mister Moony is quietly interested.

Mister Prongs wishes to know if he really is handsome while sleeping.

Mister Moony makes no comment.

**November 12**—Sunday

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

…

FUCKING MARAUDERS!

Forgive me, I must go commit murder now.

**8:25 PM**

A (updated) list of things I shall never do again:

5) I shall never make another mysterious potion without researching diligently about it and threatening Severus Snape with a Bubbling Bowel Hex

4) I shall never try revenge against Remus Lupin and his bloody camera

3) I shall never loose secret diary in a horde of flying cameras

2) I shall never sit in my favorite chair in the common room again for fear of mysterious white stains.

1) I shall never storm the boy's dormitory again in a completely justified effort of murder and find Sirius Black and Remus Lupin having mad, crazy sex like doggies.

**9:01 PM**

Merlin, this sucks. Although life wasn't very interesting in the span of time where the Marauders had my very secret diary, it still would have been nice to know why James kept wiggling his eyebrows at me. I was beginning to think the boy had an unfortunate tick…

On the bright side, Gryffindor won the Quidditch game yesterday against Ravenclaw!

After the horrible mess in Torture Lessons I have deemed that it is high past time to kick Snape's arse. So I challenged him to a friendly duel. Which shall take place tonight. At 12. in the Astronomy Tower. With Remus as my second (because if I choose anyone else they'll probably not let me fight and Remus is the most level-headed of the Marauders… most of the time).

**12:52 AM**

My week has just brightened considerably! I just beat Severus Snape in a duel.

…

HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAAHAAHHAHAH!

When Remus and I arrived at the Astronomy Tower, Snape wasn't there. We waited until ten past when I opened the door to leave and an _Expelliarmus_ went right by my ear. Snape stepped out of the shadows closely followed by Narcissa Black who had her wand out.

I went up to Snape and said, "Are you ready for this?"

He lifted an eyebrow at me, "Are you, Mudblood?"

At that particular comment I must admit that I reddened considerably and we did our how-dos and la-dee-das and went straight into the curses. He sent some rather silly ones at me… though I was quite fascinated with one spell that made my toenails grow to incredible lengths. My curses, though, were more seventh year based. A Bubbling Bowel Hex (which he has finally learned how to block), a Bat-Bogey Hex, then of course, my personal favorite of the night, one I picked up from him, _Langlock_. Then, while he doing to counter-curse, I shouted, "_Expelliarmus_!" and caught his wand just as Remus did the same to Black, who was looking murderous.

While we were walking back to Gryffindor Tower Remus scared the shit out of me and said, "He fancies you, you know."

Ahhhh, I love life.

**November 17-- Friday**

I had another one of those strange occurrences today. I was in the middle of Defense Against the Dark Arts, listening to Professor Hutchinson lecture, when I felt light headed. I felt like I was floating and the room was going hazy. Eventually all that was left was a white mist. I moved my hand around and the mist cleared a little for me to see a giant orange cat chasing after a rat on the grounds near Hagrid's Hut. A morose, bushy-haired girl caught up to cat and pick it up. She hugged him tight and said, "Best not let Ron see you after Scabbers, Crookshanks." Then everything went black.

I woke up on the floor in the DADA room. Professor Hutchinson had called in Madame Pomfrey and the class stood around me. My head was in James' lap as the after effects of the vision wore off. Madame Pomfrey had conjured a stretcher and I lazily climbed onto it.

The trip down to the hospital wing consisted of being interrogated with questions about my health that I was thoroughly too tired for. We met Professor Dumbledore halfway and he walked in silence as I answered Madame Pomfrey.

When we arrived in the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey left to get me an _Energus Expectus_ potion and I said to Professor Dumbledore, "Sir, I would like to speak with you alone about what happened… I mean, it's happened before…"

He looked at me questioningly and shooed Madame Pomfrey off when she came back with the potion. He erected a silencing charm around us and said to me, "Go on Miss Evans."

"You see sir, on Halloween, while James and I were at the Three Broomsticks, I was just talking with him and all of a sudden the room disappeared and I saw a white light and someone was yelling 'Expecto Patronum'. After that I felt really cold and faint. Just now, it happened again."

He leaned forward in his chair eagerly as I told him what had happened in the DADA class. Afterwards, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully and was quiet for a few moments before turning to me, "I don't have an explanation for this at the present time, Miss Evans, but I believe that I may have a suspicion. If anything else occurs, I would like for you to come to me immediately."

I nodded to him, not entirely pleased with his answer.

"Very well. Feel better, Miss Evans."

**11:14 PM**

James has been hanging on to me all day after I was released. If he keeps this up I may have to hit him.

I'm really freaked out by this whole thing. I don't know why this is happening and it's making be nervous.

Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow. Have to get Sirius his birthday gift.

**November 23-- Thursday**

_Lily,_

_How are you dear? No more fainting spells? I hope you are having fun and learning lots! We can't wait to see you Christmas. Do you have any idea of what you would like? _

_Darling, guess what, Vernon proposed to Petunia! He and his family are staying with us for Christmas so we can celebrate as a family. Why don't you invite some friends over so that you aren't alone? And definitely invite James. We would enjoy meeting him immensely. _

_Have to run now, Pet, do take care of yourself!_

_Love, _

_Mummy_

Piggy proposed to Horsey? Ewwwww! Although, if they have children, they can open their own petting zoo… I can't think about that. Then I think about how they have sex without him killing her and then I get grossed out because I just though of a horse and a pig having sex.

Which is gross.

**November 24-- Saturday**

_Mummy,_

_I'm fine, how're you and Dad? And no, no more fainting. I would really like a cat! Please?_

_Good for Petunia. They make such a lovely couple! Are you sure the house has enough room for all these people? I would really like to invite my friends Remus and Sirius. James I know would love to come._

_How is Dad feeling these days? _

_Have to run and study, Mum!_

_Love,_

_Lily_

It's not a lie, it's gifted fiction.

**November 30-- Friday**

I'm never going to let myself be in charge of Operation Surprise Party For Padfoot ever again. It is entirely too stressful. Do you know how hard it is to get a birthday cake made of flan?

**10:00 PM**

Sirius walked into the common room and absolutely died of happiness. I did it all up in Gryffindor colors and there is a mound of presents in a corner of the room. It's all his favorite music and the entire house is here to wish him Happy Birthday

**10:30 PM**

The party has turned out quite nicely, if I do say so myself, other than the fact that the pumpkin juice is spiked, Remus's shirt and left shoe have mysteriously disappeared, and the Marauders have been shooting not very discrete glances at the clock. It makes me wonder what they're up… wait a tick…

"WHY IS THE FLAN EVOLVING!"

I'll kill them.


	4. December Author's Note

**December 3- Monday**

In DADA. Thoroughly boring as we are revising _again_. Today's subject is werewolves and vampires.

Remus is out today visiting his mother. He goes quite often. I feel sorry because he was looking ill himself again. It always seems to be when he leaves for his home.

I wonder if anyone will notice if I take a quick nap?

**9:23 AM**

Zzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzz

"…during the full moon, Werewolves are often pale, have back problems, are ready to cry at any moment, have violent tendencies, and express horrid cravings for chocolate."

Zzzzz-!

**9:24 **

Holy. Jesus'. First. Fart.

**9:30 **

Grabbed Sirius, James, and Peter as soon as class let out. I threw them into an empty broom closet as the end of the hall. They looked at me as if I had grown an extra head.

"What's crawled into your knickers, Lily?"

I glared at Sirius. I know they knew what Remus was. They had to have.

"Why didn't you tell me that Remus was a werewolf?" I hissed at them.

Peter stared at me in shock while Sirius and James look apologetic.

"This is so very dangerous! Has he been roaming around the grounds every full moon? Does the headmaster know what he is?" I grabbed James by the scruff of his shirt and glared.

He looked at me calmly and unhooked my fingers from his shirt, "Lily, this is Remus' story—not ours. I only tell you that Dumbledore does know and that Remus is somewhere safe. He's not a danger to anyone," He held onto my hands and said softly, "I promise you, Darling, he's the same Remus you know. He's still your friend. Please, Lily, please don't alienate him. He's exactly the same person you've known for the past seven years."

I had never heard such sincerity in his voice before… He whispered his statement, but he said it with such strong conviction I took a step back to right myself from the power of his words. It was then that I realized how much his friends meant to him. James didn't have to say anything, but it was as if I could sense it in the air that he would do anything for his friends. That he would do anything for anyone if they had need of him. That he would do anything for _me_…

I felt something break within me and I turned around and ran out of the broom closet. I ran so fast I didn't recognize the surroundings in the blur. I ran even when I felt as though my legs would fall off. I ran even when threads of black began to swim in my vision and, I swear, I was still running when I passed out somewhere near the Quidditch Pitch. Because I thought that if I kept running, maybe I could leave behind the discovery I had made in the broom closet.

I'm falling for James Potter.

**1:45 PM**

Current situation: I have just found out that one of my friends is a werewolf, I'm falling for Potter, and I have once again woken to find myself in the Hospital Wing.

Apparently, James ran after me and found me near the Quidditch Pitch and brought me to Madame Pomfrey. He went to class already, but he left a note for me on the bedside table.

I really don't want to read it.

**1:47**

Should I read it?

**1:48**

No! I can't read it. He probably thinks that I am going to shout Remus' condition across the country or something…

Oh! What do I do? Have I just completely ruined my relationship? Does James hate me? Does Sirius or Peter hate me? Does Remus hate me?

There's a bed down at the end of the hall with the curtain closed around it… is that him? Is that Remus?

…

GAAAHHH! Bloody hell! I'm so stupid! Why did I freak out? Why did I run away?

**1:52**

I'm going to read it.

**1:53**

_Dear Lily,_

_I know that Remus' condition is quite a shock and I know you must feel hurt and betrayed that we didn't tell you. I felt the same way when I found out. We discovered it about the same way you did. Sirius and Peter and I noticed the symptoms, but for a while we ignored them. However, when Remus started going missing_ _a lot_ _we did a little back checking through my dad over Christmas Holidays during first year, and found out that Remus' mother died when he was seven. We knew then that he was lying. As time went by we noticed that he always left during the full moon. And that's when we realized that he was a werewolf. _

_Darling, I know that you are an incredibly open minded person and I know that you wont judge him, but please, don't pester him about it. I know that you wont condemn him since you are scorned too for being a muggleborn, but would you like it if someone kept pushing at you to talk about something that brings you physical pain just to think about? Remus will tell you his story when he is ready. _

_Lily, I can't express how much you mean to me and it would kill me to loose you now, after all we've been through to get to this point (namely you turning me down time after time), so please, understand, digest the information about Remus, talk to him, let him know that you know, and then, I'll be waiting. _

_I hope you feel better soon._

_With Love,_

_James_

**2:00**

He knows me so well… I'm shocked. I didn't know that he paid that much attention to who I was. I feel so bad that I had originally thought that he was going to break up with me.

But he's right. I have to talk to Remus.

And I have to do it now.

I climbed out of the bed and walked slowly over to the end of the hall closest to Madame Pomfrey's office. I could hear my feet echo around me and I felt my heart beating somewhere near my stomach. I don't know why I'm nervous. Could it be because I'm afraid that I've lost his friendship? But that doesn't even make sense… so why am I afraid? Is it because I'm scared of how he will look? He wont still be a werewolf, not right now; it's the middle of the day.

I went to the side of the bed and slowly pulled the curtain back. I involuntarily gasped at the sight. It _was_ Remus, but he looked like he was dead. He was almost as pale as the bed sheets and his eyes were sunken in and hollow. Remus has always been lean, but now he just looked like he was bones and flesh. He was awake. He turned his head and I noticed that he wasn't surprised to see me.

"So now you know," He said flatly.

I nodded, not quite knowing where my voice had run off.

He stared at me for several moments and I forced myself not to look away. The sight of him made me want to cry. To think that he went through that three nights a month—every month was awful. And then to think that people fear him and threaten him and kill other werewolves and make his life almost impossible to live _on top of_ his transformation broke something inside me.

He seemed to be waiting for me to speak first.

"R-Remus… You are…" I struggled for the right word, "an incredible and inspiring person. It upsets me that you have such a bleak future a head of you and it also upsets me that you felt like you couldn't trust me to tell me yourself about-" I faltered, wondering if I was going to far or not, "being a werewolf. I love you and I love our friendship. I will stand by you. I will help you. _I will fight for you_."

I finished feeling slightly foolish and at the same time… invigorated.

Several tears rolled down Remus' cheek, but he seemed to barely notice. He moved his shaking hands to take one of mine and lifted it to his lips. He kissed it gently and held it for a few more seconds as he whispered, "I love you too, Lily."

I choked back a sob and launched myself at him. I hugged him fiercely around the neck and felt him squeeze back just as hard. I pulled back slowly too lay my head gently on his shoulder. We stayed in the embrace for several moments and I took the time to study my friend's face; still wet with small tears and I was suddenly struck with inspiration. I gently wiped a tear from his chin and kept it on my finger as I pulled out my wand and softly said an incantation. The tear turned golden, then silver, then clear again as it solidified into a small orb, which I slipped into my pocket.

Remus smiled demurely, curiously looking at my pocket, but then frowned as his gaze reached something past my shoulder. I turned around to find Madame Pomfrey glowering at me. She tapped her foot and said sharply, "Miss Evans, if you will please get to class as you seem fit enough to harass other patients, I will be most pleased."

I nodded to her, smiled at Remus, and jogged out to the outer hall. Once there, I let myself cry for a few moments; savoring the feeling before calming down and walking to Transfiguration. I put my hands into the pocket of my skirt and rolled the tear around in my fingers. At least I know what to give Remus for Christmas.

My next task: James.

**7:29 **

I finally caught up with James in the common room. He looked at me and then took my hand and led me to the Astronomy Tower. He glared at the two Hufflepuffs who where engaged in some hormonal activities and they left the tower looking angry. He guided me over to the edge and wrapped his coat around me to block out the bitter cold. We neither spoke for several minutes as we looked out over the grounds. He took my hand and rubbed small circles with his thumb. I smiled at him weakly.

He finally sighed and said quietly, "I love the stars."

I looked at him surprised; I hadn't expected him to say that.

He laughed and a little puff of air swirled around him from his hot breath. "I like the peacefulness they seam to exude. Even during dark times I can always count on the stars to be there. Especially now, with Voldemort gathering forces and becoming stronger. He's going to be our responsibility, you know…"

"Don't say that," I said.

He turned his head to look at the moon, "But it's true. I can feel it." He paused before continuing, as if weighing his words, "I can't explain it, Lily, but I feel as though I have to tell you this… if only for the fact that anything can happen during these times." He sounded so defeated.

He pulled his hands out of mine and softly tilted my head up to his. He lowered his head to me and we kissed a kiss that burned my lips in its hidden meaning. James pulled back only little and whispered against my mouth, "I'm in love with you."

I looked at him curiously. I've known him for seven years but it feels like today I've finally really seen him. He's so different than last year. He's so much more mature—so much more a man.

"When did you grow up, James?" I asked quietly and seriously. I had intended for it to be a rhetorical question, but he answered me anyway.

"When I realized I would never have your love if I didn't," He stared into my eyes for a long while. I was lost in them, different thoughts swirling around in my head about how I was falling in love with him and that I really didn't mind it. James saying, "What you did, for Remus, I don't know what it was, but he looked much better when we visited him after dinner," took me out of this stupor.

"He's my friend. I will do anything for him. I made him a promise—"

James cut me off with a shake of his head, "What happened between you and Remus should stay that way. I don't need to know specific details to know that you are better friends now than you ever were."

I smiled at him and we kissed again.

…

Okay, so we snogged like little horny rabbits for ten minutes.

**11:43**

This was a highly depressing day. I can only hope that tomorrow will be somewhat better… oh, Wait…

Torture Lessons.

Fantastic.

**December 4- Tuesday**

I met up with James and Peter to go down to breakfast this morning. I had wondered why it was that Sirius had not joined us. I asked James this and he said that Sirius had gone down to spend time with Remus after his transformation. I was quiet after that.

The companionship I used to have with the Marauders was changed. I could tell that immediately as we walked by Professor Flitwick putting up Christmas decorations. I'm scared though… sans Peter, they're all coming to my house in two weeks. Fourteen days. 336 hours.

…

Holy Shit. Not enough time to warn them about my family. And my extended family. And my neighbors. And the grocer. And the bald homeless man who always comes looking for whiskey and a quick feel.

Woaaah. Better get crackin' then.

* * *

Surprise, surprise! This is what remains of _Narcissa Is A Skank_, my unexpected and epicly huge diary!fic. I decided to haul out all my back up computer files today when I recieved an interesting private message from a reader who called me several foul and unmentionable names for being one of _those_ authors who leaves a piece of fiction to sit and rot away in the bowels of the internet with no ounce of remorse or resolution.

I will admit, at first I was shocked. _How dare they?_ And then slightly impressed. _Very clever word usage._ And then amused. _My first flame? Hurrah!_ Until finally I was able to admit that they were absolutely and one hundred percent right. I had given up at the release of Half-Blood Prince and yes I had lost all inspiration and yes I did owe it to the few readers I had to give them an explanation because I would have damn well demand one too.

So I present to you (the flamer and the two other people who may or may not give a shit) what would have become _Narcissa Is A Skank_:

1) This chapter, by the way, was always destined to be a two parter because so much was set to happen in the month of December. Not only was it high time for Lily (who I had always pictured to be quick on the intake for everything but that which revolves around herself) to discover Remus' secret, come to terms that James was changed and she was changing, and address the fact that her relationship with the Maurauders was going to shift, but she also had to get through the rest of the month! December was going to be very, very busy. Lily was going to prep the boys for their future vacation at Chateau Evans and no one was going to take it very seriously to Lily's mounting consternation and horror; which would have been the rest of this chapter.

2) December part deux would have been the Christmas Holiday at Lily's house which would have been a great flaming disaster. I had outlined the chapter to be very active. James would have been on his best behavior, trying desperately to make a good impression on Lily's family plus Vernon Dursley (who was going to have a Very Bad Christmas), Sirius would have been hell-bent on making it the most memorable Christmas those silly muggles had ever experienced, and Remus would have been trying very, very hard to keep out of everyone's way leaving Lily to deal with it all. She would not have taken it well. There were pranking incidents on Vernon, Sirius prepositioning Petunia on the firmness of Wizard buttocks, a gloomy and jealous Remus, James failing ever so hard at making a good impression, and traumatizing of Lily and her family. It all would have culminated on New Years Eve with an angry kiss between Lily and James that would have been the not-quite resolution to an epic fight on Why-Sirius-And-Remus-Are-Not-Invited-Back-And-Neither-Are-You-Fucking-Apologize-Already.

3) January would have picked up on the train ride back to Hogwarts. The month was planned to be tense between Lily and James and Lily and Sirius (my notes say nothing on Remus, but considering that he is the more level headed of the group I think it's safe to assume he apologized in a manner most satisfactory). The first half of the month had Lily and James dancing around each other, but finally making up (and making out; they are teenagers). James tells her he loves her again, she says, and I quote, "Well... that's nice". The second half of the month has Lily coming to some sort of resolution with Sirius. What no one notices and Lily comments on offhand is how Peter is extra eager to please than he ever used to be. When arriving back at her room in Hogwarts, Lily notices that another rose was left for her.

For this story I only planned two chapters in advance and once I posted, planned out another chapter. Not the best way to write a story, but I was seventeen and stoopid. So from here I can take you into certain plot points that would have become important.

4) There would have a dissention in the troops. Peter was going to start to feel very neglected and forgotten by the addition of Lily to their little group. It would have been slow and it only really started once they left for Christmas break and Peter wasn't able to go. Their graduation would have ended in a large fight between Peter and James with no resolution until the sequel.

5) And that brings us to the sequel and yes, it would have happened. Because not only was everyone's friendship with Peter at stake, but Lily's mysterious visions (which were quite damn obvious to be the future and for shame if you didn't figure that out) were never quite explained. I'm not sure when or how it would have happened, but it wasn't going to be in this story. Lily would have also been crucial in helping cross the divide between Peter and the other Maurauders. She would also start working on her apprenticeship at Saint Mungos. Also, Lily would have to deal with the fallout of discovering that...

6) Snape was the one who was leaving her the flowers (also for shame if you couldn't figure that out). Eventually in the story they would have made a tentative friendship which would have been blown to tatters when Snape tries to kiss her on graduation day, but not before he would reveals secrets about himself that would tug on heartstrings numbers 3, 4, and 9 (what do you want from me - I was seventeen and ridiculous and full of teenage angst I was projecting through fiction). This would have named the sequel _Snape is a Giant Ass_ which may or may not be allowed on FF dot Net but I don't really care.

7) And finally what everyone has been dying to know: what happened to make Lily buy illegal Veritaserum and fed it to Narcissa Black in a brave and selfless act of revenge that ultimately lost her a prefect badge, 200 points, and created the title to this story? At this I have to hide my head in shame because to be honest, I never came up with a background to that specific story. It was clever at the time and I feel like a royal ass now, but the best I answer I can give is to use your imagination.

And that, kids, is what _Narcissa is a Skank_ was intended to be. If you bothered to read this: Thank you. If you bothered to read this and you were an original reader: Thank you, thank you, thank you. One more special shout out to yourgrandmother for her help way back when while I was writing this story. She had so many constructive things to say and infinite patience and was willing to share her knowledge and talent with me and things like that should always be thanked and addressed when they come about (for those of you who like a good chuckle - check her out! You wont be disappointed!).

On another note, here's a shameless plug for my other fanfics of the Kingdom Hearts variety!


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